fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
