we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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