You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
