i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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