WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
