True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im holly from the hills drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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