I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
