I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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