the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
