I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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