how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
