Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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