My room smells like vodka and shame
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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