just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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