Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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