Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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