Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
