i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
