We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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