maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
