Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
