Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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