So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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