just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
