drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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