My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
