I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
