The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
