I want to make a zoo with you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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