my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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