I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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