Got a toothbrush?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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