after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
