i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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