I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
