the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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