You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
