I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
