Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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