fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
