Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
