i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
