pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
