Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
