Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
