I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
