haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
