If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
