ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
