help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
