You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
