Say something about gay babies.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
