Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
