I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
