You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
