I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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