Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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