I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
