We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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