I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
