fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
