It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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