I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
