is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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