We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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