I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
