Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
