Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
