just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
