His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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