What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
