Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
