Don't make out with my wife yet
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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