You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
