All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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